Don't Put People in a Box

A few months back I was on a plane from Salt Lake City to Seattle to visit my husband's family. I always get nervous when I'm one of the first people on a plane, because I have to watch people sizing me up, deciding whether or not they want to sit by me. It's a pretty freaky situation for me, because sometimes it is a male who just wants to hit on me, and sometimes it's a really fat dude/lady who pushes me into the aisle with their massive mid section, and sometimes it's the kid who kicks the seat in front of him and wipes his boogers on my arm rest.

Nice.

This time, however, I sat next to two dudes who seemed as laid back as I am/ want to be. One had some odd piercings that I wanted to touch profusely, and the one in the middle excitedly told us that his dad was a pilot so he gets lots of free alcohol vouchers and would totally give us some. I politely declined, you know, thanks but no thanks, and we began to talk about stuff like life and religion. He was really excited that he sat by some "cool kids," and had picked us out on purpose, because we looked normal and cool, "not like any of those Mormons." Now obviously, because you have seen my blog title you know I am Mormon, but I wasn't offended. I don't like to appear like the loud part of Utah (a minority everywhere else) that seem to bother so many, so I quickly surveyed myself to see why he hadn't made this assumption about me. Apparently I don't look Mormon. Apparently Mormons have a certain look. Apparently I am not it.

Let's see I've got my skinny jeans, my own band's t-shirt, some bleach blonde hair. Is it the neon orange and fire engine red streak that's taking up the side of my head? Do I have some odd not mormon swagger?....
Oh yeah. Maybe it also is because I have a star of David hanging off my neck.


That's right. I'm also Jewish. My mom is Jewish-converted-Mormon, and brought me up knowing that I was still Jewish no matter what else I may be. I guess I could explain it like this: If you walked into a synagogue and said, "Hey rabbi I want to be Jewish!" He'd be like, "You be straight trippin'. Fill out all this stuff, and do a bunch of other stuff, and maybe you can be Jewish." But if I came into a synagogue and said, "Rabbi I want to be Jewish!" He'd be like, "Dude... you already are." Does that make sense? If Mom = Jewish, then Kids=Jewish.

So back to the plane---I giggled at this Middle Seat Kid, because he and most other people, including fellow Mormons (or LDSes), like to put other Mormons in some box and that box is all we can be, and all we can aspire to be. Middle Seat spent an hour or two telling me how Mormons hate gay people, we judge everyone, we don't swear, we have a million children, we get married just to have sex and be kinky with our ladies/men, we're all crazy republicans, and basically just that we are terrible people.

This is a pretty simplified version of the conversation, and granted, a lot of the stereotypes fit many of the Utah members (Don't freak out. It's okay. Stereotypes have to come from somewhere). I really just had to laugh, though, at his judging a group of people he claims judge everyone else. I never told him I'm a Mormon...Jew, and sometimes I wish I would have, just to see that awesome look on his face when he realized that he had been bashing something he thought I wasn't a part of for the better part of two hours.

Here's the point: In my lifetime I have experimented with many different identities. Until the age of about fifteen I was the really good kid. I got good grades. I went to church. I pretended to be perfect, with some little mishaps thrown in (At 12 I flashed some boys in my neighborhood during truth or dare, because I was the only girl that had some boobs). At fifteen I was mommy's perfect angel... After age fifteen I got confused. I was lots of things. I was a straight A student, but I was a bit of a ho/slut/skank/whore, at least by Utah standards. If you're confused this means I got around, but I never had sex because I didn't want no babies. I stopped going to my church. I changed how I dressed about five times a year. I got to college and made out with somewhere around 50ish guys. I don't know. Really. I lost count at 44. I got tired of doing that and figured out that I was in love with my best friend. After a year and a half we got married. I came back to church. It wasn't until this past year that I really started to solidify the stuff that is who I am.

At times I have struggled with my religion. I was/am not the same as "everyone else," that box of people--that tiny little box of people. I always wondered how I could be who I was and be Mormon. How could I change my opinions and inner beliefs? Most of my friends dealing with the same issues have now left this church. They found that they couldn't be who were and stay strong. Some just didn't believe it anymore. Some of them are a lot like Mr. Middle Seat on my flight to Seattle. On the opposite spectrum I have lots of stereotypical LDS friends: semi-judgmental, doting young wives, that dropped out of college to get married and have lots of children, be stay-at-home moms etc., etc. I make no judgments on who they are or where they are with their lives. On both sides there are great people and great friends. But I am not like them.

I am the Middle, and I'm totally fine with it.

I am here to say that you can be whoever you want to be. You can believe whatever you want to believe. Cultural and religious restraints have no hold on who you are, and the only person that can alienate you from anything is yourself. That's why I am starting this blog. To say to anyone who finds it that we Mormons/religious/group members are not all the same. We don't all fit into your little box. And if you want to be a part of this religion or any other religion or any group and feel that it's right for you, then to hell with anyone who tells you that you can't be who you feel you are and stay strong in what you believe.  I am a part of this church, because it is right for me, because I like the person it makes me. It pushes me, and it's the closest to my ultimate wants, dreams, and ideas. I make it work for me. I do not work for it.

So as an introduction to whatever I do with this blog:

I am a backwards (Jewish) Mormon.

I do not believe that there is one right way to God. I don't care if someone isn't Mormon. I don't care if someone isn't Christian. I don't care if someone doesn't believe in God. I believe that what is right for me may not be what is right for you.

I support the LBGTQ community. In fact when someone tells me that they are gay, I cheer for them. I actually put my hands up in the air and shout, "yaaay!" because they are being who they are in a society that makes it hard to be that way.

I am a gay rights activist.

I swear like a sailor.

I am my own kind of feminist.

I do not want to be a full time stay-at-home mom.

I don't want to have kids for around five or six or seven years, even though I've been married for two.

I don't want to give birth to a bunch of babies. I will not become a vortex of children.

I'm a video game fanatic. My husband and I play Halo as part of our dates.

I've been told by members to get out of my church, because "I don't belong there."

I watch the movies that I want to watch and feel are okay.

I believe church and state should be kept separate.

There is no rule that says you can't drink soda.

I am a temple recommend holding member of the church.

I like to dye my hair odd colors.

I'm not a republican.

I'm not a democrat either.

But I am socially liberal,

Even though I hate politics because it makes douches out of people.

I celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah, Easter and Passover.

I enjoy going to other people's religious ceremonies.

I teach primary.

I am more of a spiritual person, and not a religious person.

I attend church every week because it makes me feel good.

My husband and I have a roommate. Contrary to what all of my Mormon friends say, it's not weird. It actually rocks.

I'm not secretly hoping you become Mormon.

I don't have a problem being who I am and staying a strong part of my religion.

No one has to apologize to other people for who they are. I'm a backwards Mormon and I'm not sorry about it.