Private Club, No Non-Members Allowed

Yesterday, I read this blog about gay marriage. Later on I found out this is my friend's cousin; life is coincidental like that.

In summary, this blog is about a Mormon girl who "came out" in favor of gay marriage. She stated all of her reasons why in a very respectful manor. She never said anything negative about those that don't support it. It's a scary thing to figure that your opinion is an unpopular one, and then to go on and tell people about it. You would think that since she did this in a respectful way, she would have received respect in return. And while there were many people that did give her respect and politely disagreed, and those that said, "Me too, Lexi! <3 Gay Ppl!"...

                         ...there were also a lot of hateful comments posted by other members. One called her an apostate, but not just an apostate, a "Stage 2 Apostate." Oooooh that is some scaaaarrrry shit, Lexi. Seriously. Repent now. Another person said that she isn't really a Mormon if she believes that. There were over 200 comments so I can't quote them all, but I was severely disappointed with these rude, disrespectful, and hateful comments.

I began to think about it intensely. So intensely I decided to write about it for the first time in many months on a blog that no one reads (I don't have 300 followers like Lexi sadface). It's hateful, loudmouthed Mormons like those that commented on Lexi's blog that make my message so much harder to get across.

I too have "come out" in my support of gay marriage. Several years ago, during the whole Prop 8 fiasco, I said, "NO." I could not support something designed to take the rights away from others. I didn't live there. I couldn't vote on it. And still I received and onslaught of negative comments from my fellow members. A boy at my university told me I shouldn't even be Mormon. I should just "leave now" if I "couldn't support the leaders" of my church. The hypocritical friend from my other post called me "a bad Mormon." This confused me. I struggled with it intensely. Why was I being told to leave something that most members believe is the most wonderful message on this earth? Where did that line up with their beliefs? I thought this was a church about Jesus? Wouldn't Jesus let me stay with Him at church?

I was only slightly honest for a couple years after that. I kept a piece of myself hidden. I became recluse, as many "different" members do, with church activities and meetings. My husband and I moved to Washington for a summer and I was able to see what it was like to live somewhere else, somewhere a little more Liberal, somewhere a little more like me. I felt free and open, and loved my ward there, and when we had to move back I was devastated. I was terrified to move back to a place where people made me feel unwelcome in the spiritual place of my choosing. I became very unhappy when we came back. I had a breakdown (for more reasons than just my spirituality). I stopped sleeping. I went crazy. I went to therapy. After what seemed like a million months, I woke up from my certifiable insanity and stepped into the realization that I have to be exactly who I am to be happy. I stopped being quiet about myself. I wasn't apologizing for my feelings. If I love everyone then my message will still be true to myself without being offensive. I can and will be Mormon and be the weird person that I am.

A few months later I started this blog with that intention. I wanted other people to know that it was possible, that if this is what they wanted to believe, they didn't have to be a cookie cutter Mormon mom/girl with conservative ideals, who dreams to stay or stays at home with the gaggles of children she started having at 19 after dropping out of college, is overcompensationally modest, perfect, and proper (unless of course that is what they want to be---in which case I say GO YOU and have no qualms with you). The point is that we are all different and we all think differently and we all do different things.

And there is room in this church for everyone.

MY church teaches that church is for everyone. Does your church teach that? MY church teaches that church is a place of comfort and spirit, and that we should allow EVERYONE to feel it. We are not an exclusive club where only our ideally "perfect" people get to join. We are an open bar, a feeding trough to the hungry, even the runts, even the gluttonous, even those that have scars, even those that are different. MY church teaches us to follow the teachings of Jesus, and He taught that we should love everyone.

This has become my message, wherever I go, whomever I talk to. Lexi's blog won't let anyone post anymore comments, but if I could I would tell Lexi that the longer I have made this my message when sharing my differences, the more I've met people like me. For every nasty comment I've received about my being different, there have been several filled with respect and love, even when they don't agree with me. I have made friends I never thought I would have made four years ago, when my journey really started. Although I have still discovered those inside and out of my church that are disrespectful and not accepting of my inbetweeness, those people taught me who my real friends are, or will be in the future.

I am a Mormon. I will continue to be a Mormon. I have friends outside of the church that try to scare me into leaving now by telling me that I will be excommunicated (which I won't) for being different, or that I will be ostracized (which I'm okay with, because church is not a social call for me), or that I will be kicked off of church property (seriously do they even do that to people who haven't killed anyone recently?). There are people inside of the church that tell me I don't belong there (to which I say phooey, cause Jesus <3s me), that I am a sinner (I sure am! So are you!), and that I'm a bad Mormon (or am I the best kind of Mormon?). But as long as it ("it" being the doctrine, not the people) lifts me up I will continue to be at church meetings. A tiny piece of paper (a church record), callings, temple recommendations, and church attendance does not a Mormon make. A set of beliefs makes a Mormon (or a Christian, or a Muslim, or a Jew, or an Athiest, or a Democrat, or etc, etc). You decide that you're a Mormon (or a Catholic, or a feminist, or a stay-at-home-mother, etc.). And hopefully, that makes you a better person.

So don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.